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4 Inner Thoughts That Might Be Keeping You From Finding Love

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Over a cup of coffee and shared blueberry scone in a crowded Starbucks, my friend Megan recently confided that because she’s overweight and less than attractive (her opinion), she has been struggling with finding love.

I love Megan dearly, and I can respect that this fear and assumption seems real to her, but I know it’s not really true. Why? Because I see all kinds of couples everywhere — of all different shapes and sizes, ages, and levels of attractiveness, even in my own family.

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And the ones I know personally are madly in love and happily married. So obviously, there’s something else going on between them other than facial features and jean sizes. It could be an internal attraction — that invisible, irrational inner pull that gets the chemicals in our brain going and the heart galloping fast.

So why is my friend still single? She says she’s actively dating a lot, but somehow the ones she’s attracted to most don’t stay. How come she’s having trouble finding love?

What I’ve realized after years of working with my hypnotherapy clients (and on myself) is that it’s not about what we do, but about who’s doing it that determines the outcome.

What I mean is that each of us has two aspects: One is mature, wise, confident, clear-minded, and knows that life treats us right. The other is insecure and fearful, with beliefs like “something is wrong with me,” ”life is hard,” “I cannot be happy,” “I must struggle to get what I want,” “I don’t have a say in the matter,” “I am not in control,” or “I am not lovable.”

So when that insecure part of us shows up on a date, we’re already in a mindset that can’t produce a positive outcome. Nothing personal, it’s just how life is: a gigantic mirror reflecting back at us our own beliefs about ourselves, people, and life in general. Like attracts like, as the law of attraction dictates. 

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So if we want a different reflection or attraction, then we need to change our thinking so that our beliefs correspond to our desires. I actually find that very empowering, because to me it means that I am always in control over my mind and what it’s projecting forward.

So what does my friend need to do to find love and find it soon? Just this: Address and diffuse the mental obstacles held by her insecure self, and that will result in clearing the path between her and… him.

Here are the most common insecurities single women face, which need to be transformed into positive statements of empowerment that will help them with finding love:

1. Being afraid of abandonment.

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My father left me when I was very young, which means that I am not lovable and he doesn’t care about me.

Confident self: It’s true that he left, and it was difficult and painful. But in no way does it mean that something is wrong with me and that I’m unlovable. In fact, this experience sharpened my preference for a healthy and lasting relationship. And since this is what I want, I can have it that way. Besides, I can never lose what’s truly mine!

2. Having a negative family influence.

My parents had a tumultuous relationship, they were fighting a lot, and I was helpless to fix their marriage so I could feel safe.

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Confident self: Perhaps they did, and yes, it was frightening — but it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t safe. Besides, it was never my responsibility to fix their problems; it was theirs, and they did the best they could. By removing this childhood fear, I’ll realize that I’m in control and can feel safe in a relationship. That puts me one step closer to meeting my future partner.

3. Being afraid to speak up for yourself.

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My mother was very controlling over my father, and he lost his voice. And I’m just like my dad. I don’t want to lose my freedom and independence. 

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Confident self: That was between them, and they both acted out from their childhood wounds. But I am my own person, free and naturally independent, whether I’m in or out of a relationship. I can relax now, knowing I’m allowed to express my needs and preferences openly, enjoying my freedom while welcoming a loving partnership into my life.

4. Not having a good history of healthy relationships.

I had a really bad marriage experience. I was abused and mistreated before, so I’m afraid it will happen again.

Confident self: That’s not possible, because now that I’m updating my mind, and shifting my thinking to a positive mode, I’ll have a different outcome. Because when I make a new decision about what a relationship means to me (for example, to give and receive love), I can let go of the past and allow the right partner into my life.

It’s so good to know that all those insecurities born in childhood and stored in our unconscious mind no longer apply, because we are adults now — much wiser, experienced, resourceful, and in control of our mentality. It does take focus and practice to think maturely, but it’s a habit well worth developing.

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Remember: Like attracts like, so when you are your confident, lovable self, you’ll attract someone who feels the same.

It turns out that finding lasting love is more about developing healthy self-esteem than perfect looks. But it’s also true that when we feel good internally, we tend to eat healthier and exercise. Suddenly, we care about our health and well-being and our power and confidence shine through — the true source of our personal attraction.

And now your “one” is already on their way, meeting you on your wide open, unobstructed path because love is an internal emotion that radiates from the depths of your soul, crying out for its other half, pulling your true partner toward you with irresistible force. 

Originally written by Katherine Agranovich on YourTango

Featured image via Valeria Ushakova on Pexels

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Why It’s Important To Get Tested & Know Your HIV Status

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This year has already shaped up to be a wild ride. Recently, one of my best friend’s husband has been very sick, experiencing symptoms including fatigue, weight loss, confusion, and memory loss. At surface level, it seemed bad but manageable. But once he started having other symptoms like incontinence and could no longer form coherent sentences, she decided to bring him to a local hospital. Once admitted, they began running tests right away. Before the hospital visit, they did find out he had a small cyst on his brain, so the assumption when he was admitted was that it was the cyst causing these issues. 

The doctors quickly told my best friend that it was not the cyst causing these symptoms but pneumonia. They mentioned walking pneumonia, and they hoped his symptoms would improve with antibiotics. Several days went by with doctors calling her, asking unusual questions, but she thought nothing of it. Everything seemed okay, but she felt like she wasn’t getting all the answers from his doctor. Finally, after consenting to multiple MRIs, CT scans, a spinal tap, and many other rigorous tests, they eventually dropped a giant bombshell of diagnosis. 

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He was diagnosed with HIV, which developed into AIDS. He also had developed encephalitis and dementia due to it being untreated for so long. He also was also suffering from Pneumocystis Pneumonia (PCP), which develops from an everyday fungus in the air that most people can fight off. Unfortunately, it can be life-threatening if left untreated for those with compromised immune systems from disorders such as AIDS. 

Also, just for kicks, he had a tapeworm as well. This tapeworm has become the running joke of his diagnoses: It’s the tapeworm’s fault. 

No one knew he was HIV positive, including him. He had been tested in the past, but it always came back negative. He had contracted HIV anywhere from 8 to 15 years prior to this day, and he could not come up with a single incident as to where he could have contracted it. His diagnosis begged another more serious question. Were his wife and kids positive as well?

After 11 years of being together and four children, I think we all expected her test to come back positive as well. It turned out that she had been tested during all four pregnancies, and all four tests were negative, so the kids were negative for HIV as well. She decided to get retested since her last test was three years ago, and once again, she was negative. 

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Now, you might be thinking what I am thinking: How on earth did she go this long without contracting HIV, and how on earth did he go 8 to 15 years without knowing he had HIV? It turns out that you only present symptoms of HIV when you first contract it, and it shows up similar to a cold. Once past this initial stage, there are generally no symptoms until it turns into late-stage HIV or AIDS. 

It also turns out it’s not that easy to catch HIV. Do not get me wrong: There is always a risk with sexual activity, and it’s never a good idea to risk it. But out of every 10,000 exposures to HIV during penetrative penis-vaginal sex, only between 4 to 8 people will actually contract it per the CDC. Anal sex does increase your odds at 11 out of every 10,000 exposures.

Surprisingly, HIV is not on any routine STD screening or bloodwork. The only time it’s routinely tested is during pregnancy. Testing for HIV comes in a couple of different ways. Testing at home is an option, using a saliva swab, and results come in about 20 minutes. You can also request an HIV test from Quest Diagnostics (blood test) or wherever you get your routine blood work done without any referrals from your doctor’s office. It’s also important to note that it could take up to 3 months after exposure to test positive for HIV. But if you have any known exposures, consult with your healthcare provider for treatment options. 

So while it is important to always practice safe sex (using condoms and barriers), HIV isn’t that easy to catch. So if you do have an unexpected exposure, I hope this helps bring you peace of mind, but please do not forget or avoid getting tested. If you avoid getting tested and do contract HIV, you very well could end up in a life-threatening position later on in life while also exposing others. HIV awareness is extremely important, and I hope no one else ever has to face the same situation my best friend had this past week. Stay safe. Get tested. And practice safe sex. 

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Featured Image by Anna Shvets from Pexels

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Female Entrepreneur: How A Young Woman Turned Her Love For Crystals Into A Career

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You can’t underestimate the power of becoming a female entrepreneur. Instead of working for “the man,” I want other young women to know that they have the power to turn their passions into successful careers by becoming their own boss. So when I find someone like Skyler W., who was able to launch her own business selling crystals on Etsy and social media in the middle of a global pandemic and while earning her master’s degree, I have to tell her story. 

Skyler W. has been the proud owner of BlondeBeeCreates on Etsy since July of 2020. Skyler has found tremendous success selling jewelry, crystals, and spell jars online despite facing many challenges. Today, she is ranked as a Star Seller on Etsy, meaning she has earned a reputation for high-quality items, excellent reviews, and outstanding customer service. In addition, the BlondeBeeCreates TikTok account now sits at over 900K views and has even had a video go viral! 

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Skyler was kind enough to allow me to interview her about beginning BlondeBeeCreates and the challenges she’s overcome. If you are on the fence about turning your passions into a career or even a side hustle, let Skyler’s story be your inspiration to show you that it’s possible. 

CK: Why did you decide to open an online store devoted to crystals and jewelry? 

SW: At first, I actually thought it would be cool to make and sell stickers. It all started with the stickers I made with my printer, and I posted them on Etsy. I don’t think I sold more than two or three stickers before shifting to jewelry and, ultimately, crystals. 

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This sticker is Skyler’s very first product sold on Etsy.  

I have always been drawn to crystals, but I rekindled my interest in 2020. The love for crystals has always been there, but with BlondeBeeCreates, I could own some amazing pieces and spend a lot of time around crystals than I could ever imagine. 

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These moon earrings were one of the first crystal jewelry products Skyler ever sold. 

CK: Why did you decide to open your store on Etsy? 

SW: The decision to sell on Etsy was straightforward. If you plan on doing Etsy as a hobby, you do not need a business license. I have a business license now, but I was just looking for something fun at that point. Etsy makes it super easy to sell things.  You don’t need to make a website or set up shipping, and making a listing is simple. Etsy also offsets all carbon emissions created by shipments, making me feel better about using their platform.

CK: What is your process for finding new products to sell? 

SW: I used to make all my own jewelry. But one day, I was at a local pharmacy, looking at some crystals they sold. I looked up the business name where they sourced their crystals, and I found out this company sold wholesale. So I quickly booked an appointment. I originally intended to go and buy some pre-made jewelry but left with more crystals than anything else. I have been going to that specific wholesaler ever since! Honestly, my process is to buy things that I feel match my shop’s vibe. That being said, about 90% of what I purchase are my crystal cardholders since they are my bestsellers.

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This Crystal Card Holder is one of Skyler’s best-selling items.

CK: What have you learned from running your own business? 

SW: The most important thing I’ve learned is to be patient. It took a few weeks to get my first sale. The first six months my shop was open, I think I had less than 20 sales. At first, I was discouraged since so many small businesses, especially on TikTok, were thriving. Meanwhile, mine wasn’t getting any recognition. But I had a consistent 43 followers on my business’s TikTok for over a year. Then, two weeks after my viral TikTok video, I had over 1,000 followers (now over 3,000). It took over a year to hit the point where I was getting views and more sales, but I am glad that I didn’t stop.

CK: What advice would you give someone who is debating starting their own Etsy shop or small business?


SW: There is no better time to start a small business than right now, especially given the amount of younger people that are looking to support small businesses over larger corporations. Do not be afraid to reach out to other owners in the field you are interested in. They will have a lot of advice to offer. 

If you do decide to start your own business, some advice I can pass along that I hope will be helpful is this: When you’re listing items on Etsy, add a video as well. This is a newer Etsy feature, but listings with videos get more attention. The only other advice I have is to work on packaging early on. I wish I would have figured out packaging at the beginning, and I highly recommend you figure it out, at least to some extent, before you start making listings.

CK: What’s coming next for BlondeBeeCreates? 

SW: I am working on creating mystery bundles that will be intuitively chosen. It will be challenging to arrange my inventory manually, but this is a trending concept right now, and one I have always wanted to do. I’ve also been doing a few flea markets, and I am hoping to do the Pasadena Flea Market at some point in 2022. 

I also do custom orders, which include making jewelry or buying crystals and other spiritual items in bulk. If you are ever interested in this, please let me know at [email protected], and I will help!

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*Some answers have been edited for length and clarity*

Connect with Skyler and shop BlondeBeeCreates on Etsy or visit her Instagram and TikTok!

Featured image via BlondeBeeCreates on Instagram

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