Connect with us

Relationship

5 Healthy Ways To Love Him Without Losing Yourself

Published

on

charly pn k z16ECarPQ unsplash

You’ve done it. We all have. You meet “the one.” You start falling in love. Everything is perfect. 

You delight in one blissful date after the next. Both of you like the same food, enjoy the same movies, and have a taste for the same kind of furniture. You’re inseparable. You finish each other’s sentences. Time passes. Anniversaries are celebrated. Holidays are shared.

Advertisement

Then, one day, you abruptly discover something is not quite right. You start to miss those Bellini brunches with your girlfriends, and trips to the theme park with your nieces and nephews. You miss that occasional beer with a cool cohort who just “gets” what you mean when you go off on a riff about the biz world.

What happened? You may have ignored any and all good relationship advice that warned you to keep your own individual identity.

Too often, people become so focused on getting into a relationship (or staying in one), they let go of the things that make them who they are. If they blend too much of themselves into the “Love Soup,” things get bland.

Both partners, no longer able to recognize the person they fell in love with, look at each other and ask: “Who are you?”

It’s as though the two people who so magically and perfectly fit together at the beginning have been abducted by aliens, leaving blank-faced clones of themselves behind.

Advertisement

To some degree, you do need to sacrifice some of your habits and opinions to make relationships work. But when you go overboard, the ties between you can tug and bind. And then you’re doing things that don’t feel right.

Before you realize it, instead of counting the seconds until you can be together, you want to be alone. Your new best friends are anger and resentment. How can you do the dance of love without getting caught in a miserable trap?

Try these five tips aimed at helping you hang on to your identity. You’ll not only recapture your freedom without losing your love, but you’ll add to the happiness you have when you’re together.

1. Spend time with your closest friends.

No matter how much you love your honey, there’s nothing like a lunch with the ladies who make you laugh and cry at the same time.

Advertisement

Set a goal — just like you do at work — to have at least one meal or movie date a week with someone you can share girl-talk with.

2. Take up a hobby.

You and your lover don’t actually have to do everything together, you know. Maybe you’ve always had a hobby or played a sport that plasters a big smile on your face.

If you gave it up because he doesn’t share your enthusiasm, you can still get back to it. Even though you’ll spend some time apart, he’ll love you all the more when you come home with that happy grin!

3. Pamper yourself.

Sometimes, you need to get into your own head without sharing that space with the one you love. Great ways include escaping to a hot stone massage at the spa, a deep meditation, or even a simple hot bubble bath.

Advertisement

It’s okay to lock the bathroom door so you can steam your pores alone. Try it. 

4. Take care of business.

Even if you can’t wait to fall into his arms after a long day at the job, make sure you’re building (and not abandoning) key work relationships. There are certain bonds that you can only maintain by hitting a happy hour or a cool conference with your business buds. 

5. Visit your family completely solo.

Your family loves your partner almost as much as you do, but don’t be shocked to hear they also miss being with “just you.”

Even if it’s a short phone call without putting him on the line to say “hi,” no one snaps you back reality like a family member does.

Advertisement

Maybe the biggest bonus you’ll get from doing all or some of these things is the gift of having fresh experiences to talk about when you and your partner do spend time together. Also, remember to respect his need to have time to be an individual.

A night out watching the game with the guys now and then will give you both a chance to miss each other just enough to get you longing for the thrill of a score in the bedroom.

After a night of sports trivia and craft beer nerdiness, he’ll remember how sexy and interesting you really are.

Originally written by Judi Vitale on YourTango

Advertisement

Feature Image by Charly Pn on Unsplash

/* large monitors */ var adEl = document.createElement("ins"); placeAdEl.replaceWith(adEl); adEl.setAttribute("class", "adsbygoogle"); adEl.setAttribute("style", "display:inline-block;width:468px;height:60px"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-client", "ca-pub-8156577949690148"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-slot", "5140702518");

} });window.addEventListener("load", function(){ var placeAdEl = document.getElementById("td-ad-placeholder"); if ( null !== placeAdEl && td_screen_width >= 1019 && td_screen_width < 1140 ) { /* landscape tablets */ var adEl = document.createElement("ins"); placeAdEl.replaceWith(adEl); adEl.setAttribute("class", "adsbygoogle"); adEl.setAttribute("style", "display:inline-block;width:468px;height:60px"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-client", "ca-pub-8156577949690148"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-slot", "5140702518"); } });window.addEventListener("load", function(){ var placeAdEl = document.getElementById("td-ad-placeholder"); if ( null !== placeAdEl && td_screen_width >= 768 && td_screen_width < 1019 ) { /* portrait tablets */ var adEl = document.createElement("ins"); placeAdEl.replaceWith(adEl); adEl.setAttribute("class", "adsbygoogle"); adEl.setAttribute("style", "display:inline-block;width:468px;height:60px"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-client", "ca-pub-8156577949690148"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-slot", "5140702518"); } });window.addEventListener("load", function(){ var placeAdEl = document.getElementById("td-ad-placeholder"); if ( null !== placeAdEl && td_screen_width < 768 ) { /* Phones */ var adEl = document.createElement("ins"); placeAdEl.replaceWith(adEl); adEl.setAttribute("class", "adsbygoogle"); adEl.setAttribute("style", "display:inline-block;width:300px;height:250px"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-client", "ca-pub-8156577949690148"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-slot", "5140702518"); } });

Relationship

Mental Illness Isn’t ‘Cute’ or ‘Quirky’ — It’s My Life

Published

on

mental illness

Dealing with a mental illness is one of the hardest and longest journeys that one could ever go through. Those who suffer from a mental condition go through several days at a time of brain fog, anxiousness, and sadness. They constantly feel like they’re battling a war within themselves. But I’ve noticed that more and more people seem to believe that dealing with the struggles of my mental illness is quirky and cute. 

My mental illnesses aren’t cute or quirky — they are my life. They constantly take over my mind and my ability to do the things that a woman in her mid-20s would like to do, such as going out with friends or going to college, or traveling. As you can see, this isn’t the cutest thing that could happen to someone. Because of people who call my mental illness ‘quirky,’ I constantly feel like the world doesn’t understand me.  

Advertisement

A mental illness is something we constantly feel. We feel like we have to fake a smile and pretend that everything’s OK. But more often than not, it’s hard to do that, and things aren’t what they seem to be.   

My mental illness is a part of my everyday life, and it has been for as long as I can remember. Every day is a struggle just to wake up and actually be happy and act like everything is OK. In reality, though, it’s 

the most terrifying thing anyone can go through on a day-to-day basis. One of the reasons why it’s so scary is that you don’t know what can or will trigger you each and every day. 

There’s nothing cute or quirky about the nerve-wracking feeling you get when you have to think about how to perform a certain task. 

It makes you feel alone and misunderstood by the whole world. I have no choice but to accept that reality of my life, which isn’t funny or quirky. If I could describe my mental illness as anything, it would have to be ‘dreadful’ and ‘painful.’ I don’t know what tomorrow or even today might bring and what I’ll be capable of doing because of the numerous obstacles I have to overcome each and every day. 

Advertisement

Part of my life is constantly worrying about the things I have in store for me. This also includes worrying about my loved ones and them worrying about me. And there’s nothing cute and quirky about that. 

Ultimately, I think people should think about how they approach people with mental illness. They should think about the misconceptions they have and that they are never true. Nothing about mental illness is cute.

Featured image via Tan Danh on Pexels

Advertisement


Advertisement
Continue Reading

Relationship

It’s Your Duty As A Member Of Society To Get Your Covid Booster

Published

on

covid 19booster

I’m not the type of person who likes to be vocal about controversial or political beliefs. As someone with immense social anxiety and general fear of people, I would rather silently observe what other people debate on social media instead of putting my voice into the conversation. If a stranger looked at my social profiles, they’d see me as Switzerland with no strong beliefs in any particular direction. But when it comes to COVID-19 booster shots, I can’t stay silent anymore. 

The other day, I read a maddening post on Facebook from one of my friends. She wrote that the booster shot didn’t work because she still became sick with the highly contagious omicron variant. She ranted about how the booster shot made her sick for two days, only for her to become infected with COVID-19 about a month later. ... had thousands of likes. I felt sick to my stomach as I read comments from people thanking this girl for “saving them” before they got their booster. It’s not the first time I’ve seen misinformation about the COVID-19 vaccines, but something in me snapped this time. So, now I’m finally speaking up. 

Advertisement

For the love of all that is holy, PLEASE get your COVID-19 booster shot as soon as you possibly can. 

Contrary to what this “friend” of mine believes, the COVID-19 vaccines were never meant to eliminate the risk of becoming infected. But the vaccines are still saving lives by lowering your risk of becoming sick if you are exposed to the coronavirus and mitigating your symptoms if you do fall ill. They also lower your risk of requiring hospitalization if infected, which is important because the healthcare system is overwhelmed. Like me, the scientific and medical communities believe that vaccinations and booster shots will be key to ending the pandemic. But only if everyone participates. 

At this point, I’ve lost track of how many articles I’ve read about exhausted healthcare workers discussing time and time again how every patient in their ICU and the people who are dying are unvaccinated. And even as new variants emerge, science shows that fully vaccinated and boosted people are still relatively well protected from a severe case of COVID-19. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather deal with milder cold- or flu-like symptoms. I could ride them out at home instead of being faced with death in the ICU. The same argument applies to the side effects of the COVID-19 booster shot itself. I’ll gladly feel crappy for a day or two if it means my life isn’t at risk. 

I hate to break it to you: Being young does not mean you are invincible. There is no way to know how COVID-19 will affect you, and death doesn’t discriminate based on age. 

Ever since the omicron variant became the dominant strain of COVID-19 in the United States, a record number of children and young people have been admitted to hospitals. So don’t let yourself become a number in those statistics. 

As we learn more about COVID-19 and new mutations appear, what it means to be fully vaccinated is changing. I believe that soon, you will need to have your booster shot to be considered fully vaccinated. In fact, it’s already a requirement to have your booster shot before you’re allowed to come into the office at my workplace. This is because fully vaccinated people are less likely to spread COVID-19 to others. 

Advertisement

If you aren’t willing to get fully vaccinated for yourself, then I beg you to take the shot for others. You may be okay if you become infected. You might even be asymptomatic and have no idea that you’re COVID-19-positive in the first place. But at the time of writing this, more than 800,000 people have died from COVID-19 in the United States. So clearly, not everyone who gets COVID-19 makes it. In fact, many people’s grandparents are on a ventilator. And some parents orphaned their children because they were exposed to COVID-19 by someone who wasn’t fully vaccinated or boosted. 

The way I see it, getting your booster shot doesn’t benefit just you. It’s your duty as a member of society and a common courtesy for everyone around you. 

Featured image via Steven Cornfield on Unsplash

Advertisement


Advertisement
Continue Reading