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Every Silent Bob Movie Monologue, Ranked

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Since the beginning of Kevin Smith’s View Askewniverse, his film universe named after his production company View Askew, there have been a few staples that fans always look out for. Specifically, two characters that appear in every single film, stoners Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith). As Jay and Silent Bob are the characters that tie the Askewniverse together more than any others, it is only fitting that their appearances in each film are often the most memorable moments of each film.

While Silent Bob as a character is just as iconic when he is, of course, silent, he’s also known as a character who is silent because, when he speaks, it is often one of the most profound or knowledgeable lines in each film – even if this is a fact that Jay mocks. Quality over quantity, he’s a silent type, not a mute. Here, we’ll be ranking every Silent Bob line in the Askewniverse. These picks come solely from live action movie-based speeches, so we won’t be looking at other, non-film speeches like the ones in Clerks: The Animated Series.

Related: Movies You Didn’t Know Were Part of Kevin Smith’s View Askewniverse

His second-shortest line in the Askewniverse, Bob’s Mallrats moment comes at the end. The film follows college student T.S. Quint (Jeremy London) and best friend Brody Bruce (Jason Lee) as they complain, hang out, and eventually attempt to stop the dating game show T.S’ girlfriend is participating in. They enlist the help of Jay and Silent Bob, who, throughout the film, consistently fail in hijinks-style capers.

At the end, however, Silent Bob appears to succesfully use a “Jedi Mind Trick” (the force ability from the Star Wars Franchise), something he’s been attempting the entire film. When Jay expresses his amazement at the accomplishment, but Bob merely states “Adventure? Excitement? A Jedi craves not these things.” It’s a great moment, but the reason it’s so low on this list is because it has so little effect on the overall storyline, especially compared to the other moments.

In Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, our leads lose a court case that not only revokes their rights to any Bluntman and Chronic material, it also revokes their right to the names “Jay and Silent Bob.” They then, once again, journey to Hollywood, this time to get their naming rights back. Along the way, Jay discovers he has a long-lost daughter named Millie (Harley Quinn Smith), and she (and her friends) joins them on their expedition. When the girls abandon them, they are kidnapped by the Klu Klux Klan, and in the process of saving them Silent Bob is the distraction. He pretends to be the new Grand Wizard, and distracts them long enough for Jay to free the girls and escape.

The joke of Kevin Smith playing himself doesn’t fully work here. It’s a bit too meta, and while that can work, and has in many Smith films, it doesn’t land quite as well in this instance as it does in Strike back. With an homage to Alec Baldwin’s famous Glengarry Glenross line (here it’s Always Be Ducking as opposed to Always Be Closing), the scene is great – but not the greatest in the Askewniverse catalogue.

The second Silent Bob line in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back comes lower on this list, closer to the end of the film. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back follows our titular characters as they travel their way to Hollywood to stop a film being made adapting the comic book based on them, “Bluntman and Chronic.” They’re sick of all the negative messages they’re getting online – but when they finally reach Brody Bruce, sole owner of the Bluntman and Chronic comic rights after Holden McNeil (Ben Affleck) sold his to him, Brody claims they don’t have to stop production simply because of “people bad-mouthing” them online.

Silent Bob verbally disagrees, to which Jay reacts sarcastically, once again mocking Silent Bob’s tendency to only speak up when it is impressive or transforming. Bob explains that the contract they sign states, in no uncertain terms, that they are the artistic and creative basis for the comic and Brody and Miramax are legally obligated to request their permission when transferring it to another medium; and since he didn’t ask their permission, they are breaching the contract. It’s a noteworthy moment, certainly, surprising both the audience and the characters with his knowledge of the subject – unfortunately, compared to others on this list, the humor isn’t as strong.

Clerks III centers around Dante (Brian O’Halloran) and Randal (Jeff Anderson), fifteen years after the first, when Randal decides to make a movie about their lives after a life-changing incident. Dante, who is producing the film, declares to Randal that he’s hired Silent Bob to be the cinematographer, and at first Randal is not on board. After a moment of looking around, Jay explains that Silent Bob wants to film the movie in black and white, and when asked why, Bob breaks his silence to explain exactly why. He discusses how the colors in the QuickStop are “ghastly” and would be neutralized by black and white, as well as subtly portraying the film as a series of security camera shots.

The line serves as a message to everyone who said that black and white was a pretentious or wrong choice, and that Smith didn’t know what he was doing. It’s also hilarious, with the final line, “I’m shooting it in Black and White, or I ain’t shooting it at all, M********r,” punctuating both the meaning and the comedy.

The best meta moment of the four big writer-as-the-character lines, Bob’s line in Clerks 2 references the trope that’s been created of his character’s lines usually coming at poignant turning moments or being intellectual and helpful. In this instance, when our main characters have been arrested for hiring a donkey show. Dante’s been rejected by his love interest, and all the characters are at their lowest. Jay encourages Bob to say one of his life-changing speeches, and Bob winds up, ready to deliver another life-altering speech, but all he can say is, “I’ve got nothing.”

Just as memorable, the only reason it isn’t higher on this list is because it isn’t really much of a speech, just two words. Dogma surrounds two fallen angels (Ben Affleck and Matt Damon) trying to get back into heaven. It also follows abortion clinic worker Bethany Sloan (Linda Fiorentino) is tasked with stopping the two, aided by two prophets – Jay and Silent Bob. The three end up on a train to New Jersey, and the two angels are there as well. They discover Bethany’s plan but are thrown off the train by Silent Bob. When the bartender looks at Bob, confused, he explains his actions with two words: “No Ticket.”

Certainly the most outwardly aggressive, his first line in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back serves the same purpose that every Silent Bob line serves – pointing out the obvious. During their journey to Hollywood, Jay and Silent Bob gain a new traveling companion – a Chimpanzee named Suzanne (first mentioned at the end of Mallrats). When someone takes the chimpanzee, Jay mourns the loss and wonders what to do – Silent Bob, of course, noticed that the truck was an animal truck from Hollywood, and tries to communicate it silently to Jay.

When Jay doesn’t understand, Bob erupts in frustration, grabbing him by the collar and yelling, “The Sign! On the back of the car! Said “Critters of Hollywood”! You dumb ****!” He then storms off towards the direction of where the car went. Even if he mutters a quiet quip after a moment, it did render the unflappable Jay speechless for a second. Bob is one of two characters that can truly silence the pile of f-bombs and lewd musings that is Jay, even for a moment, and since the other is God, that’s an impressive feat.

Smith’s first film, Clerks is often referred to as the most iconic in the Clerks franchise. Filled with memorable moments, characters, and dialogue, it is only fitting that it is also the origin of both Jay and Silent Bob as characters and the beginning of the Silent Bob Speech. Although less of a speech than some other moments, it stands the test of time as one of the hardest hitting lines in the film. Brian O’Halloran’s Dante Hicks is lamenting his problems, something he often does throughout the film series, but this time about a girl he used to date getting married. At first, Jay chews him out, ranting about how stupid he thinks Dante is in far too many words, before storming out. Then Silent Bob, to drive the point home, says to Dante, “You know, there’s a million fine looking women in the world, but they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of ‘em just cheat on you.”

Clerks, while arguably Kevin Smith’s biggest film in the cultural zeitgeist, doesn’t hold the title of best Silent Bob speech. That honor comes in Smith’s third directed feature, as well as the third film in the Askewniverse, Chasing Amy. Less of a contained feature like Smith’s previous two films, Chasing Amy follows comic creator Holden McNeil falling in love with Alyssa Jones( Joey Lauren Adams), despite the fact that she is a lesbian. The Silent Bob speech comes near the end of the film, as McNeil beats himself up, feeling unsure of his relationship and what to do next. He’s having lunch with Jay and Silent Bob, when Silent Bob reveals that he’s been in a similar situation. The moment reveals to us several important facts, about who Silent Bob is as a character and his take on relationships and regret.

The Chasing Amy moment is similar to the Clerks moment in that it is the line that changes the trajectory of the main character, for better or worse. It’s the writer literally telling his main character he’s revealing where he went wrong. It’s cute in Clerks, but poignant in Amy, and it takes until Reboot for us to see that it was a turning point for Holden. And Jay eating spoonfuls of sugar in the background of this paramount moment never fails to cause a chuckle.

Related: View Askewniverse: Every Movie in Kevin Smith’s Universe, Ranked



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