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How To Know If You Have A Fear Of Commitment & How To Overcome It

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Marilee, a client of mine, was a commitment-phobe.

“I’d love to be in a loving relationship,” she told me in one of our counseling sessions, “but I’m not willing to give up my freedom. I have a great life. I love my work and my friends. I love to travel and take workshops and classes. I don’t want anyone telling me what I can or can’t do. I don’t want to deal with someone feeling hurt because I want to work rather than be with him. It’s just not worth all the hassle.” 

Marcus, another client of mine, also experienced fear of commitment.

“When I’m not in a relationship, that’s all I can think about it. I really want someone to play with, to love and to grow with, but soon after getting into a relationship, I start to feel trapped. I feel like I can’t do what I want to do, and I start to resent the person for limiting me,” he confides.

“Most of the time, she has no idea what’s going on and is stunned by the break-up. She thought everything was fine. After leaving her, I’m back to square one — wanting to be in a relationship. This has happened over and over again.”

Fear of commitment, known as commitment phobia, has its roots in the belief that when we love someone, we are responsible for their feelings rather than for our own.

Once we believe that we are responsible for another’s feelings of hurt or rejection as a result of our behavior, we believe we need to limit ourselves in order to not upset the other person. Then, instead of standing up for our own freedom and right to pursue that which brings us joy, we limit our freedom in an effort to have control over the other person’s feelings. This will always eventually lead to resentment.

“Marilee,” I asked in one of our phone sessions, “What if you picked someone who also loved his work and his personal freedom?”

“Frankly, I can’t imagine that. Every man I’ve been in a relationship with has wanted to spend more time with me than I have with him. Am I just picking the wrong man over and over?” 

“No,” I replied. “But from the beginning you are not standing firm in your commitment to your freedom. You give a lot at the beginning because you enjoy being with him, but, as we’ve discussed, you also give yourself up a lot at the beginning. You make love when you don’t want to. You stay up later than you want to for fear of hurting him.”

“Then, when you do start to tell him the truth, he’s surprised and hurt,” I explained. “Until you’re willing to risk losing him from the beginning rather than lose yourself, you will continue to create relationships that limit your freedom. You end up believing that the relationship is what limits you, but it’s your own fears and beliefs that keep limiting you.”

Similarly, in my sessions with Marcus, he discovered that he had no idea how to stand up for himself in a relationship. As soon as a woman wanted something from him, he gave it to her. He just could not bring himself to say no. Then, of course, he ended up feeling trapped. 

Ultimately, Marcus’s fear of commitment stemmed from two main sources:

  1. He believed he was responsible for her feelings, and that he was a bad and selfish person if he did anything that upset her.
  2. He was afraid that if she felt hurt, she would get angry and reject him.

As a result of these two fears, Marcus continually gave up on himself in relationships. However, giving himself up created such resentment toward his partner that he eventually didn’t want to be with her anymore and left the relationship. 

In order to have both our personal freedom and be in a committed relationship, we need to learn to take responsibility for our own feelings rather than the other person’s feelings, and we need to be willing to lose the other person rather than lose ourselves.

Commitment phobia heals when you become strong enough to be true to yourself, even in the face of another’s anger or rejection.

If you want to have a loving relationship, then you need to do the Inner Bonding work necessary to develop a strong adult self who can be a powerful advocate for your personal freedom.

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself first — so that you can connect with your partner and others — take advantage of psychologist and relationship expert Margaret Paul’s free Inner Bonding eCourse, receive free help on her website, and take her 12-Week eCourse, “The Intimate Relationship Toolbox” — the first two weeks are free!

Originally written by Margaret Paul on YourTango

Photo by aranprime on Unsplash


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6 Reasons Console Gaming Is Better Than PC Gaming

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All gamers must choose between playing on a PC or console. Message boards light up when there’s disagreement regarding which one is superior. We’ve broken down the debate into its parts.

There is no “correct” or “bad” strategy in games. Having a good time is the most crucial part. When making a decision, consider your financial resources, technological expertise, and the potential for future improvements. Remember to check sports news today as you enjoy console gaming.

1. Controllers Are Better Than Keyboard and Mouse

Arcade sticks are a favorite among some gamers when selecting a controller. The controller is the most acceptable way to play video games initially. The result is a more comfortable feel in the hands than a keyboard and mouse, which requires more practice to master.

With a controller, you can rest your fingers on the back triggers. They’re ready to go whenever you need them.

Joysticks are superior for most games, save for FPS (first-person shooters) and RTS (real-time strategy). The PlayStation 4 controller has a touchpad, making it simple to maneuver around the screen. Playing games on your console while seated on the couch is possible.

From the comfort of your couch or chair, you may utilize and play games on consoles compatible with televisions. There is no need to fumble about with the controllers to find the appropriate location.

You’ll have to spend most of your time figuring out a way to get a non-desk setup to work with a PC to make matters worse. Playing video games on a console at home is better than going outside to play.

The SNES Classic Mini is a good option because it can play games like PlayStation 1, N64, etc.

2. It’s Easier to Play With Friends

The PCs don’t fare well when you invite your buddies around for a party. More than one keyboard and mouse won’t fit on your desk, and your laptop may be short on ports. Playing games with other people in the same room isn’t always possible with a PC.

Using a console for gaming is a breeze. You may add more games so you can play together. USB ports on consoles are also connected.

In addition, the previously mentioned fifth argument strengthens this advantage even further. If you’re short on space in your study, you can quickly relocate to the living room, where there’s a giant TV and more area for everyone to sit down and relax.

3. Console Gaming Is Generally Cheaper 

A console is less expensive than playing on a computer. You can acquire a console e fos $250 and play 1080p games on the market. You’ll even get a controller and a few games in that boxYouou’ly be able to play mid-level games on it.

The keyboard and mouse are prohibitively expensive. Another option is to split the expense of game discs by lending them to friends. You may also do this on consoles. There is no way to transfer licenses on PCs.

4. Console Games Just Work

There aren’t many setups required to play games on a console. Installing the game from a disc or a download takes only a few seconds. There are no drivers to deal with to play a game on your computer, and no unique tool is required.

If you need to download new items, this is a simple process. Some PC-specific tweaks, such as how the game looks, may be required if you choose to play on one.

When you play a game on your console, you don’t have to worry about anything when setting it up on your PC. It does the job.

5. You Don’t Need to Check the Specs

There is no need to worry about a console’s size. You’ll have to sift through many PCs before discovering the right one. Both a sound graphics card and a mouse are necessary. Ensure the screen’s refresh rate is high enough. You won’t waste time researching how to optimize your PC for gaming.

There is nothing else to consider regarding 4K gaming on a console. It also doesn’t matter how long you’ve had your console; it can still operate well and play the latest games even after years of use. PCs have a shorter lifespan than other electronic devices. Therefore, you’ll need to replace them in two or three years (especially if you want to try out the most recent games).

6. More AAA Games to Choose From

Thanks to Sony and Microsoft’s support, many high-quality games have been possible. To see what we mean, take a look at our list of the top PS4 games.

To enjoy games like The Last of Us, Uncharted 4, God of War 2018, and Red Dead Redemption 2, you can’t even acquire them on PC; most famous PC games will be ported to consoles.

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10 Things To Keep In Mind When Buying A Smart TV For Gaming

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Gaming is progressing to a whole new level with the recent release of new consoles like the PS4 Pro and Xbox One X. However; if you want to get the most out of your gaming experience, you need to have a television that can keep up. That’s where a smart TV comes in.

 

When choosing a smart TV for gaming, there are a few things you need to keep in mind. As you check games at your favorite online casino, here are a few of the most important factors to consider:

 

1. Resolution

 

The resolution of your television will be one of the most important factors in determining how great your gaming experience is. You’ll want to make sure you choose a TV with at least 1080p resolution so that you can enjoy the latest games in all their HD glory.

 

 The good resolution makes for sharper images and more detailed graphics. Some of the top brands that offer such high resolutions are Samsung, LG, and Sony.

 

2. Refresh Rate

 

Another important factor to consider is the refresh rate of your TV. The number of times per second that the screen refreshes and a higher refresh rate mean a smoother image. For gaming, you’ll want to look for a TV with a refresh rate of at least 60Hz.

 

Remember to check if the TV you’re interested in supports the latest HDMI standard so that you can take advantage of the higher refresh rates.

 

3. Input Lag

 

Input lag is the delay between when you press a button on your controller and when that action appears on the screen. For gaming, you’ll want to look for a TV with as low input lag as possible to enjoy a responsive gaming experience. Look for TVs with a gaming mode or input lag of less than 30ms.

 

4. HDR

 

HDR, or high dynamic range, is a newer technology that is becoming increasingly popular in television and gaming. HDR provides increased contrast and more vibrant colors for a more realistic image. If you want the best possible gaming experience, look for a TV that supports HDR.

 

5. Size

 

Of course, the size of your TV is also going to be an important factor to consider. You’ll want to make sure you choose a large TV so that you can enjoy the action on screen, but not so large that it becomes a distraction. A good rule of thumb is to choose a TV at least 40 inches.

 

With a good size television, you will have no problem following the action even if it’s happening quickly.

 

6. Price

 

Finally, you’ll need to consider your budget when choosing a smart TV for gaming. There are a wide range of TVs available at different price points, so it’s important to find one that fits your needs and budget.

 

Don’t forget to factor in the cost of any additional equipment you might need, such as an HDR-compatible gaming console or a soundbar.

 

7. Audio Quality

 

Most people forget to consider audio quality when buying a television, but it’s just as important as the picture quality. You’ll want to make sure your TV has good audio to immerse yourself in the gaming. Look for a TV with built-in speakers or one compatible with a soundbar.

 

8. Compatibility with games

 

Not all  games are created equal, and some are more demanding than others. When choosing a smart TV for gaming, you’ll want to make sure that your model is compatible with the types of games you like to play.

 

For example, if you’re a fan of first-person shooters, you’ll want to make sure your TV has low input lag to enjoy a responsive gaming experience. On the other hand, if you’re more interested in playing console games, you’ll want to make sure your TV has a good resolution and color to see the game’s details.

9. Warranty

 

Just like with any other piece of technology, it’s important to consider the warranty when choosing a smart TV for gaming. Most TVs come with a standard one-year warranty, but you can often find extended warranties for an additional cost.

 

Extended warranties can give you peace of mind if your TV has any problems down the line.

10. Reviews

 

Finally, one of the best ways to choose a smart TV for gaming is to read online reviews. There are a variety of websites and forums where you can read about other people’s experiences with different TVs.

 

Reading reviews can help you get a better idea of which models are the best quality and which ones to avoid.

Verdict

 

Now that you know what to look for in a smart TV for gaming, it’s time to decide. Keep in mind the different features and factors we’ve discussed and use them to narrow down your choices.

 

Once you’ve found a few models that fit your needs, be sure to read online reviews to get an idea of which one is right for you. With a little bit of research, you’ll be sure to find the perfect TV for your gaming needs.

 

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