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There Are Only 4 Types Of Couples — Which Type Are You?

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Personality quizzes abound all over the internet, and it seems that everyone is looking for a simple way to answer carefully selected questions and find out secrets about themselves. Even more persistent are articles and quizzes designed to mystically let you in on the potential for a lasting bond with your love, and to find out the likelihood of your relationship to succeed.

It seems like everywhere, you can find someone either looking for love or trying to figure out if the love they’ve found is real.

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That’s probably thanks to Foreigner and other power ballad singer bands, but mostly, the entirety of the 80s.   

All relationships aren’t equal, and (incredibly nosey) science has finally found a way to categorize the boundaries, committed-ness of your love, and the happiness and rewarding sensations you feel into specific groups for our subjective judging pleasure.

Bless you, science.

In 2016, three relationship scientists — and yes, that’s their actual job, so you know they know what they’re talking about — studied approximately 400 unwed couples in their mid-twenties to determine if there was any definability to determine the outcome for happiness and whether they’d be headed for marriage, and found out that yes, there is.

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Based on responses to questions gauging how committed they each felt to one another and how they felt about their significant other, Steven Ogolsky, lead researcher, determined that while there may be many types of people, there are just four specific categories that each relationship can fall into.

He even gave us easy ways to find out where we fit and how to weigh our own relationships against the others, which, according to the internet, is all anyone ever wanted anyway. Let’s just dive right into figuring out which is which, and where the likelihood of a happy marriage in your future falls, shall we?

Without further ado, here are the 4 types of relationships you might find yourself in:

1. You’re conflict-ridden but oh so in love.

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Also known as the on-again, off-again couples. If you’re this type of couple, then likely you might even make the Stock Exchange dizzy with your up and down, back and forth relationship. Your commitment to one another varies as you go — one minute hot, the next cold.

Conflict pushes you apart, but then passion drives you right back into each other’s arms. When you’re together, you’re really together, but when you’re not, you’re definitely not. Still, there’s a certain definable magnetism that keeps pulling you back to the person you’re crazy for, despite the obvious bumps in the road of your relationship.

This type of crazy, passionate romance may not exactly be doomed for failure, but according to Ogulsky, it “may not be sustainable in the long-term.” It can be pretty hectic to keep a relationship when you never know from one day to the next what might happen.

If your commitment level to your partner falls when you’ve had an argument, then you’ll need to examine where you’re at and make better decisions if you want a lasting relationship with that person.

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2. You’re all about the drama, drama, drama.

Do you and your partner find yourselves often in the middle of some new issue or problem? Do you often make spur of the moment decisions based on issues outside of your relationship? Do you spend more of your time with your own friends, doing your own things without really consulting one another or trying to do things as a couple? Then you’re in a dramatic relationship, and my, my, the waters are choppy.

According to Ogolsky, “These couples have a lot of ups and downs, and their commitment swings wildly.” What does that mean, exactly? Well, if you’re the sort of person that focuses on the negative and allows other factors outside of your relationship to drive your opinion of your partner, then you’re going to be focused on other factors around you, not your S.O., which can make you both more likely to fight as well as to break up.

“It’s not unlike when the transmission goes out on your car, and then your starter goes out.

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You begin to see little things eroding, and you start to see the relationship in a negative light, and soon you give up,” Ogolsky says.

If you’re in a dramatic relationship, you might want to rethink the decisions you’re making, fast, because people in these relationships are two times as likely as the others to break up.

3. You’re both social butterflies.

Does your perfect night out involve your significant other and a bunch of your friends that you all share together? Does social activity become a hub of your relationship because you do it together rather than separate and go your own ways?

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Then you and your partner could have a socially-based relationship that’s strong because of the people and things you share together.

According to Ogulsky, “Having mutual friends makes people in these couples feel closer and more committed.” You’ll end up being a pretty stable couple with high levels of happiness and friendship because your partner is also someone that you enjoy going out and hanging out with.

This is good news for you, because in the long-term, you’re sharing things that will make your relationship more likely to last.

4. You’re focused on your partner, and it shows.

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You love spending time with your significant other. You do everything together, share hobbies and fun times alike, and that special bonding time actually makes you more likely to have a significantly happier relationship in the future.

You’re not going to let outside sources influence the decisions that you make, and you’re more likely to talk out your issues with one another and be more thoughtful moving forward.

Do you relish time with your partner, and make sure that you’re putting each other first? Then you’re lucky to be in a partner-focused relationship which, according to the study, was overall the most satisfied!

The purpose behind categorizing these relationships is to help you recognize where you’re currently at and where you want to be.

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It can make you think about the longevity of your relationship in its current state and how you can either keep moving it forward with good decisions or how you can better it by aiming for positive goals together.

So, no matter what type of relationship you’re currently in, know that your happiness and commitment to one another ultimately depends on the two of you — and don’t accept anything less than fantastic!

Originally written by M. Najjar on YourTango

Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

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Relationship

5 Workouts To Help You Start The New Year Off Strong

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Almost everyone celebrates the New Year with a different kind of fervor. After all, it symbolizes fresh beginnings, a clean slate, another chance at redemption. Regardless of the difficulties and challenges of the past year, you feel more hopeful, perhaps even enthusiastic, about what lies ahead. 

To be more intentional with your relationships, find a side hustle, take better care of yourself… weren’t these some of your dreams that got lost amidst the fears and frustrations of the past months? No worries! 

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Now is the perfect time to roll up your sleeves and get to work on making those dreams come true. And what better way to start the New Year strong than with these 5 top-notch exercises?

1. Walk Your Way to Health

Let’s start with the most basic of exercises — walking. Technically, walking is not considered a typical “strength-building” exercise, but it can maintain your heart health so you can engage in more intense physical activities.  

Walking may look like one of the easiest and simplest workouts but doing it daily can help you live a longer and fuller life. One study showed this physical activity can reduce the risk for all-cause and cardiovascular disease mortality. In addition, just 30 minutes every day can also boost bone strength and muscle endurance.  

When walking, check if your stance is correct. Get your head up and relax your neck, head, and shoulders. Swing your arms lightly while ensuring your back is straight. As you step forward, roll your foot from heel to toe.

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2. Get Into Resistance Training

Resistance training is essentially the same as weight or strength training. This type of workout makes your muscles work against specially calibrated weights to induce contraction and build strength. It also helps improve anaerobic endurance and increase skeletal muscle size.  

Experts recommend adults get into muscle strengthening workouts with balance and flexibility exercises at least twice a week. To maximize the benefits from resistance training and keep your body from plateauing, change up your sets, repetitions, and the types of activities you do (free weights, weight machines, resistance bands, etc.).

3. Intensify with HIIT

HIIT, or high-intensity interval training, works on the principle of alternating low and high intensities. This means you interrupt brief but vigorous workouts (1-3 minutes) with less intense activities (1-2 minutes) to allow your body some respite in between.

The bursts of activity interspersed with downtime tap both the body’s aerobic and anaerobic energy-producing systems. Interval training is especially popular among endurance athletes because it can improve cardiovascular fitness in a very short time.

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You may think HIIT is just for heart health. However, research shows that HIIT lifters achieved more significant gains in the weight room compared to the alternate group. 

As beneficial as it is, do note that interval training can be extremely demanding on your body. It’s best to see your doctor before proceeding with this type of workout.

4. Ramp It Up with SIT

If you have been doing HIIT, you will find yourself in familiar territory with sprint interval training, or SIT. You can do this type of workout anywhere and anytime without any special equipment.

It is also called the One and Done workout because you can finish a session in just 7 minutes. The word “sprint” here denotes maximum effort, which you will expend for 20 seconds. You can alternate this with one-minute active rest periods. The brief respites will give your muscles time to recover from the preceding high-energy bursts. Repeat this cycle for 7 minutes. 

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The main difference between HIIT and SIT is that the latter requires maximal or even supramaximal intensities, giving you the thrill of finding out how far your body can go.

5. Shore Up Your Pelvic Floor Muscles

Being “in the red” shouldn’t keep you from staying physically fit and strong. In fact, you can even burn calories on your period by doing pelvic-floor muscle-strengthening exercises.

The pelvic floor is a funnel-shaped muscular sheet that keeps abdominal pressure from overwhelming the bladder, uterus, and bowel. This group of muscles also supports the muscles in the abdomen, hips, and back. In addition to holding up your organs, the pelvic floor also helps ensure the proper functioning of our excretory and reproductive systems. 

To strengthen your pelvic floor, discover first where it is by stopping your urination midstream. Those muscles that have been activated are your pelvic floor muscles. Once you’ve identified where they are, sit comfortably and tighten them as if you’re lifting something off the floor. Do this for 10 to 15 times per set for 3 sets daily. Make sure to relax your abdomen, buttocks, and thighs as you perform this exercise.

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Trying one or more of these exercises will help you start off the New Year strong. Comment below which one you are most interested in trying.

Feature Image by John Arano on Unsplash

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7 Types Of People To Avoid When You’re Pregnant

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With the great strength birthed when you become pregnant, comes a great vulnerability. This vulnerability is a gift in many ways, expanding your ability to feel love so profoundly it shakes your core, making it a joy versus a struggle to make sacrifices in the name of another person, and developing a heightened sensitivity for the world and people around you (and bigger breasts and fuller hair).

This vulnerability also makes you, well… more vulnerable. The words, actions, and emotions of others will have a deeper impact on how you interact with yourself and your surroundings, and how you navigate the stages of pregnancy and birth. To ensure your journey into motherhood is filled with people who honor and nurture your vulnerability, instead of taking advantage of it, here are seven people to avoid when you’re pregnant.

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1. Women who want to tell you their scary birth stories.

There is no room for additional “scary birth” noise on your path to mamahood. I’ll bet your mind is already skilled in the art of swimming through worst-case scenarios; you don’t need other people telling you about theirs.

If a stranger, mother, sister, cousin, buddy, acupuncturist, or whoever tries to share a birth story with you, stop them and ask if the story will serve to fill you with hope and excitement for your upcoming birth, or fear. If it will plant fear, ask them to tell you the tale after you’ve had your baby.

2. The medical care provider that tells you “you can’t do it.”

You don’t want any of this noise either. You want a care provider that reminds you how incredible your birth can be and the things you can do to make it so.

Even if you have a platter of special circumstances, and certain medical interventions will be required in your birth experience, your journey into motherhood can still be terrific and your care provider should support that. If your care provider always speaks to you in tones of worry, find someone else who exudes optimism for the happy and healthy birth they’re going to strive to help you create.

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3. The piece of yourself that tells you “you can’t do it.”

This is a hard friend to say goodbye to. The inner individual in question has likely been with you for many chapters of your life and has claimed to “keep you safe” from risks.

And now, they’re freaking out about the unpredictability of the path you’re on, and may want you to shut down your intuition in favor of maintaining the status quo (e.g., accept the interventions pushed on you, even if they seem wrong, or birth in the location your friends birthed because that’s what you’re familiar with).

You can clip ties with this fearful and limiting side of yourself by choosing to follow your intuition (the first answer you receive after asking yourself a question), instead of the voice of your fears. This breakup may be painful, leaving you momentarily untethered from stability, but with time you’ll fill with enthusiasm for the possibilities this freedom births.

4. Folks who tell you how you should birth.

These individuals are comfortable with how they chose to birth and want you to validate their choices by making the same ones. You may intuitively feel aligned with some of the options these people suggest; if so, good — go with that. 

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But what if you don’t resonate with the options they offer? You can say no, you can choose something else; your choices have nothing to do with them. If they realize that and aren’t attached to whether you go their way or another, keep them around. If they pressure you to do it their way, you may need to limit your exposure to them, at least until your baby arrives. Say yes to the people that are more interested in how you want to birth than on how they think you should birth.

5. Friends you don’t feel emotionally safe with.

I had a friend during my first trimester that didn’t understand how my partner and I could be happy about our unplanned pregnancy, and she shared these thoughts with everyone who would listen. When I found out, I was hurt and felt like our proverbial circle of trust had shattered. I felt an immediate instinct to cut her out of my life. 

If I hadn’t been pregnant, maybe I would have put more effort into working past the breach. But I was expending so much emotional energy on my own stuff that I didn’t have the enthusiasm to get into hers. And neither do you. Guard your heart while pregnant, only sharing it with those who care for it as gently as they would care for your baby.

6. Your terrified mother or mother-in-law.

I’ve had to help clients with “mom interventions.” Mom interventions include asking a mom who is infusing mega doses of fear into a birthing space to leave the room. Many of us place a lot of weight on the opinions of our mothers, even if we don’t like to admit it. While we might not always agree with these opinions they often have a potent presence in our minds.

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If you have a mother figure who frequently shares thoughts that add fear to your pregnancy, you can ban all birth talk when you’re with her. Suggest you spend time organizing the nursery, or planning a baby shower. But if the convo starts eking into the land of birth prep, medical complications, or anything else she might be fearful of, steer her away.

7. People who are jealous of your pregnancy… and tell you as much.

It’s common to have women in our lives that are having trouble getting pregnant and desperately want to join you at the pregnancy party. You don’t need to nix all of these ladies from your life, but if there are any that make it hard for you to enjoy your pregnancy and subtly (or blatantly!) make you feel guilty or shameful for being pregnant say, “I love you, and buh bye,” at least for a while.

While you want to nurture this friend through their struggle, you have a right to make your number one priority your baby and self. It’s hard breaking up with people. Our culture teaches women to please others at all costs, but you do have permission to extract these folks from your life for as long as needed. You deserve to feel empowered to claim your right to choose who you surround yourself with on this epic and vulnerable journey. Do it for your baby. Do it for yourself.

Now, go have some decaffeinated tea with a buddy who wants nothing more than to be a safe space for you to reveal your heart’s fears, desires and questions, while silently rubbing your feet and nodding with understanding. 

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Originally written by Bailey Gaddis on YourTango

Featured image via Camylla Battani on Unsplash

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