Connect with us

Relationship

What It’s Like Being A First-Time Mother With Postpartum Depression

Published

on

hollie santos aUtvHsu8Uzk unsplash

Since childhood, I have always wanted to become a mother. I wanted to have three children and to be a stay at home mom. I still do. What I wish I knew back then was how the severity of your mental state prior to pregnancy can impact your mental state after birth. 

Being a psychology grad, I learned about postpartum depression. But I always thought “oh, that could never happen to me.”

Advertisement

I gave birth in January 2021. During my pregnancy, doctors kept asking if I have any mental health history. 

Yes, I did. I was in an abusive relationship three and a half years earlier. I have PTSD, and prior to that social anxiety as well as a panic attack disorder. 

Well, the reason why they asked about that is because those with prior mental health issues are more likely to develop postpartum depression. 

Once I gave birth doctors gave me a mental health exam to see if I have or was going to have a problem with postpartum depression. After answering the questions, the nurses said “oh, you have PTSD, that is why. If you need help otherwise, just call your doctor or therapist.”  

Then that was that. We got to go home. Now this is where it is going to get raw. This article might be triggering for some new mothers. 

Advertisement

I have struggled with panic attacks from as far back as I can remember, and no one ever took it seriously. 

I was just a child who was shy. That is what it was called at the time. But how can a 4-year-old go into a panic attack? Over what? My point exactly. 

Now, let’s fast forward to post partum. Obviously, hormones are going to go wild during pregnancy and after birth, so that means you’re moody. But as time went on, I started fighting panic attack after panic attack, and in doing so I was getting angry and exploding on my boyfriend over ANYTHING!

I could not control my emotions. I was either constantly crying, angry, anxious, or just sad for no reason. You might be asking why I did not go to the doctor and get help or medications. I was breastfeeding. I did not want to stop breastfeeding. It made me feel good and connected to my daughter. It helped the depression, but then after a nursing session I began to notice my body would start to have a panic attack. But at the time, I never acknowledged it as a panic attack. 

I was so out of it that I almost ruined my relationship and could have lost any form of custody of my daughter. I did not want that.

I was not showering, I was not brushing my teeth, I was not napping when the baby napped. I could not take care of my household. Doing the dishes was HARD for me. Making the bed was HARD for me. I went from doing my makeup and trying to start a YouTube channel to being a slob. I could not be the woman my man fell in love with.  

Advertisement

So after a very personal breakdown with my boyfriend and my own father, it was decided after nine months of breastfeeding, I had to stop and go on medication, not just for myself but for my family. I do not want to ruin them. I was out of control. 

Postpartum is no joke. It’s a killer, and when people say that, they really mean it. I almost lost everything because of my mental health. So here are my final words. 

If you are struggling, please seek help. 

This does not make you a bad mother and this does not mean you cannot handle being a mother. Those were my thoughts, but I cannot be the mother I need to be and the mother my daughter needs me to be if I cannot take care of myself.

Feature Image by Hollie Santos on Unsplash

Advertisement

} });window.addEventListener("load", function(){ var placeAdEl = document.getElementById("td-ad-placeholder"); if ( null !== placeAdEl && td_screen_width >= 1019 && td_screen_width < 1140 ) { /* landscape tablets */ var adEl = document.createElement("ins"); placeAdEl.replaceWith(adEl); adEl.setAttribute("class", "adsbygoogle"); adEl.setAttribute("style", "display:inline-block;width:468px;height:60px"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-client", "ca-pub-8156577949690148"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-slot", "5140702518"); } });window.addEventListener("load", function(){ var placeAdEl = document.getElementById("td-ad-placeholder"); if ( null !== placeAdEl && td_screen_width >= 768 && td_screen_width < 1019 ) { /* portrait tablets */ var adEl = document.createElement("ins"); placeAdEl.replaceWith(adEl); adEl.setAttribute("class", "adsbygoogle"); adEl.setAttribute("style", "display:inline-block;width:468px;height:60px"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-client", "ca-pub-8156577949690148"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-slot", "5140702518"); } });window.addEventListener("load", function(){ var placeAdEl = document.getElementById("td-ad-placeholder"); if ( null !== placeAdEl && td_screen_width < 768 ) { /* Phones */ var adEl = document.createElement("ins"); placeAdEl.replaceWith(adEl); adEl.setAttribute("class", "adsbygoogle"); adEl.setAttribute("style", "display:inline-block;width:300px;height:250px"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-client", "ca-pub-8156577949690148"); adEl.setAttribute("data-ad-slot", "5140702518"); } });

Relationship

Mental Illness Isn’t ‘Cute’ or ‘Quirky’ — It’s My Life

Published

on

mental illness

Dealing with a mental illness is one of the hardest and longest journeys that one could ever go through. Those who suffer from a mental condition go through several days at a time of brain fog, anxiousness, and sadness. They constantly feel like they’re battling a war within themselves. But I’ve noticed that more and more people seem to believe that dealing with the struggles of my mental illness is quirky and cute. 

My mental illnesses aren’t cute or quirky — they are my life. They constantly take over my mind and my ability to do the things that a woman in her mid-20s would like to do, such as going out with friends or going to college, or traveling. As you can see, this isn’t the cutest thing that could happen to someone. Because of people who call my mental illness ‘quirky,’ I constantly feel like the world doesn’t understand me.  

Advertisement

A mental illness is something we constantly feel. We feel like we have to fake a smile and pretend that everything’s OK. But more often than not, it’s hard to do that, and things aren’t what they seem to be.   

My mental illness is a part of my everyday life, and it has been for as long as I can remember. Every day is a struggle just to wake up and actually be happy and act like everything is OK. In reality, though, it’s 

the most terrifying thing anyone can go through on a day-to-day basis. One of the reasons why it’s so scary is that you don’t know what can or will trigger you each and every day. 

There’s nothing cute or quirky about the nerve-wracking feeling you get when you have to think about how to perform a certain task. 

It makes you feel alone and misunderstood by the whole world. I have no choice but to accept that reality of my life, which isn’t funny or quirky. If I could describe my mental illness as anything, it would have to be ‘dreadful’ and ‘painful.’ I don’t know what tomorrow or even today might bring and what I’ll be capable of doing because of the numerous obstacles I have to overcome each and every day. 

Advertisement

Part of my life is constantly worrying about the things I have in store for me. This also includes worrying about my loved ones and them worrying about me. And there’s nothing cute and quirky about that. 

Ultimately, I think people should think about how they approach people with mental illness. They should think about the misconceptions they have and that they are never true. Nothing about mental illness is cute.

Featured image via Tan Danh on Pexels

Advertisement


Advertisement
Continue Reading

Relationship

It’s Your Duty As A Member Of Society To Get Your Covid Booster

Published

on

covid 19booster

I’m not the type of person who likes to be vocal about controversial or political beliefs. As someone with immense social anxiety and general fear of people, I would rather silently observe what other people debate on social media instead of putting my voice into the conversation. If a stranger looked at my social profiles, they’d see me as Switzerland with no strong beliefs in any particular direction. But when it comes to COVID-19 booster shots, I can’t stay silent anymore. 

The other day, I read a maddening post on Facebook from one of my friends. She wrote that the booster shot didn’t work because she still became sick with the highly contagious omicron variant. She ranted about how the booster shot made her sick for two days, only for her to become infected with COVID-19 about a month later. ... had thousands of likes. I felt sick to my stomach as I read comments from people thanking this girl for “saving them” before they got their booster. It’s not the first time I’ve seen misinformation about the COVID-19 vaccines, but something in me snapped this time. So, now I’m finally speaking up. 

Advertisement

For the love of all that is holy, PLEASE get your COVID-19 booster shot as soon as you possibly can. 

Contrary to what this “friend” of mine believes, the COVID-19 vaccines were never meant to eliminate the risk of becoming infected. But the vaccines are still saving lives by lowering your risk of becoming sick if you are exposed to the coronavirus and mitigating your symptoms if you do fall ill. They also lower your risk of requiring hospitalization if infected, which is important because the healthcare system is overwhelmed. Like me, the scientific and medical communities believe that vaccinations and booster shots will be key to ending the pandemic. But only if everyone participates. 

At this point, I’ve lost track of how many articles I’ve read about exhausted healthcare workers discussing time and time again how every patient in their ICU and the people who are dying are unvaccinated. And even as new variants emerge, science shows that fully vaccinated and boosted people are still relatively well protected from a severe case of COVID-19. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather deal with milder cold- or flu-like symptoms. I could ride them out at home instead of being faced with death in the ICU. The same argument applies to the side effects of the COVID-19 booster shot itself. I’ll gladly feel crappy for a day or two if it means my life isn’t at risk. 

I hate to break it to you: Being young does not mean you are invincible. There is no way to know how COVID-19 will affect you, and death doesn’t discriminate based on age. 

Ever since the omicron variant became the dominant strain of COVID-19 in the United States, a record number of children and young people have been admitted to hospitals. So don’t let yourself become a number in those statistics. 

As we learn more about COVID-19 and new mutations appear, what it means to be fully vaccinated is changing. I believe that soon, you will need to have your booster shot to be considered fully vaccinated. In fact, it’s already a requirement to have your booster shot before you’re allowed to come into the office at my workplace. This is because fully vaccinated people are less likely to spread COVID-19 to others. 

Advertisement

If you aren’t willing to get fully vaccinated for yourself, then I beg you to take the shot for others. You may be okay if you become infected. You might even be asymptomatic and have no idea that you’re COVID-19-positive in the first place. But at the time of writing this, more than 800,000 people have died from COVID-19 in the United States. So clearly, not everyone who gets COVID-19 makes it. In fact, many people’s grandparents are on a ventilator. And some parents orphaned their children because they were exposed to COVID-19 by someone who wasn’t fully vaccinated or boosted. 

The way I see it, getting your booster shot doesn’t benefit just you. It’s your duty as a member of society and a common courtesy for everyone around you. 

Featured image via Steven Cornfield on Unsplash

Advertisement


Advertisement
Continue Reading