Let me start with this adage: being predictable is boring. The only way to keep attracting your man is by constantly exciting him.
A woman’s unpredictability and mystery can add excitement and intrigue to a relationship, keeping things fresh and engaging. This sense of mystery fosters curiosity and a desire to continually learn more about her, which can help prevent complacency. By maintaining an air of unpredictability, a woman can inspire her partner to stay attentive and actively invested, enhancing emotional and romantic connections over time.
A classy woman in a relationship exudes respect, grace, and self-confidence. She values herself and her partner, communicates maturely, and maintains her dignity even in challenging situations. Her elegance comes through her kindness, understanding, and ability to express love while setting healthy boundaries. This balance makes her an inspiring and cherished partner.
There are many ways to display charm and sophistication in everyday life.
When it comes to names, choosing affectionate ones for your spouse can depend on the mood, occasion, and shared history. Some days, you can be casual and warm—like “my love,” “sweetheart,” or “Habibi.” At other times, use respectful titles like “Sir,” “Ranka ya dade,” “Alangubro,” or “Yallabai.”
On fun and flirty days, use playful nicknames (I won’t drop examples here😀, yauwa). During special moments, use affirming and supportive names like “My Hero” or “My Rock.””
In terms of dressing, if you’re always wearing native wear, surprise him with bum shorts and a spaghetti top. Or try a clingy evening gown or a see-through nightie. Let him know that you possess what those Ashawos flaunt, except yours is reserved for his eyes alone.
When styling clothes, try different outfits that give you a new look and poise. We love comfort, but we can still make comfort look sexy and appealing.
Before experimenting with style, know your body type. Know what flatters your figure and what doesn’t. You can’t wear a fitted gown with a big tummy or bum shorts with bow legs. If you’re Qashi da Rai, avoid bubu—it may make you look like Muciya da Zani at home. Yauwa! This isn’t body shaming—it’s being real.
On perfume: know that perfume is the silent language of emotions. A single scent can lift a mood, stir memories, and transform feelings in an instant. Use perfume to your advantage at home. It’s a soft weapon of attraction.
Learn to use scents to evoke peace, desire, and comfort. Use different perfumes for the day, night, special occasions, or even just to create a relaxing atmosphere. If you stick to one scent, he might get used to it, and it may lose its effect. Find out which scents he likes and rotate them. Explore English and Arab perfumes, humra, oils, kulaccam, incense, body mist, body milk, body sprays, bath mists—you name it. And remember: your house should smell pleasant too. Don’t smel like a flower while the house smells like Daddawa! Set the tone with your space, then yourself.
Nana Aisha (RA) said:
“I used to perfume the Prophet (peace be upon him) with the best perfume I could find until I saw the shine of the perfume on his head and beard.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5923)
When it comes to homemaking, we must constantly evolve. If you can’t change furniture often, update your space with small touches: some new decor, decluttering, rearranging, or freshening up your environment. Minimal furnishing in small spaces often gives the cleanest look. Keep the house neat and germ-free. Fumigate regularly, burn incense, and use home mists, fresheners, and mopping sprays.
On behaviour—this is tricky, because we can’t be who we are not, but we can improve. If you’re naturally moody, try being more cheerful around your man. A cheerful wife is a huge turn-on. Be the woman he rushes home to. This way, he’ll notice quickly when something is off.
Avoid nagging. Often, a gentle reminder or silence works better than complaints. Be calm when he expects arguments, and then ‘show him shege’ when he least expects it😀😉—that’s the art of being unpredictable with a touch of sophistication. But this only works if your man is mature and understanding.
If you have the freedom and mutual understanding in your relationship, playfully surprise him by pretending to be away—perhaps plan a two-day trip, but return after just one. Welcome him with a good meal, a new nightie, and a memorable evening. Or, if he’s open to it, surprise him at work or send a special lunch to brighten his day.
If you always cook continental dishes, try traditional meals sometimes. If you usually serve food plainly, try plating and garnishing. Serve kunun tsamiya instead of a smoothie, or fresh juice instead of fruit salad. Don’t be the woman who only cooks shinkafa da miya and tuwo. Learn, upgrade, and initiate.
For hairstyles, try different braids or updos—ponytails, doughnuts, kitson gaba, all-back, Calabar styles, etc.—but choose based on your hair type. Don’t insist on a style that doesn’t suit your hair. And most importantly, keep your hair clean and fragrant.
In Za’s other room, learn to initiate intimacy. Don’t be the boring wife who waits for her husband to make the first move. A wife initiating intimacy strengthens emotional and physical bonds, makes her husband feel desired and valued, and breaks the assumption that intimacy must always be led by one partner. It deepens connection, enhances communication, and fosters a more fulfilling relationship.
Also, explore different styles to keep things exciting and mutually satisfying.
If you’re used to black henna, try red or maroon. If you are always wearing ‘daurin ture kaga tsiya*, switch to turbans or different gele styles.
Sometimes, soften your voice—lower your tone and speak gently when needed. I heard there’s a tone called bedroom voice, right?
If you’re usually strong and independent, try being soft and playful sometimes.
If you’re always asking for money, ease up on small requests, especially when he’s managing big expenses. Surprise him instead—with a perfume, a pair of shoes, a book, attire, pyjamas, a watch, or a ring. You shouldn’t always be the one expecting gifts. That’s why we say ‘ki nemi kudi, Lantana’.
And to you, Dan Lami or Man Sagir, know that all this charm, sophistication, versatility, and surprise can’t happen if you are too strict, stingy, or overbearing. You must be friendly and generous with your words, smiles, time, emotions, and yes—your wallet. Yauwa.
Lemme stop here….
Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, caterer, parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via [email protected]