Michelle Obama & Mara Brock Akil Talk About Why So Many Black Kids Aren’t Being “Crushed On” in School
Former First Lady Michelle Obama sat down with celebrated writer and producer Mara Brock Akil for a powerful and surprisingly personal conversation about parenting, love, and self-worth — and the two moms didn’t shy away from tough truths.
At one point in their discussion, the topic turned to dating and desirability among young Black teens, and Mara shared something that resonated deeply with Michelle and countless parents online.
“Black Boys Deserve to Feel Crushed On”
Mara, who is the mother of three sons, said she was taken aback when other moms in her social circle mentioned that their children were already on their “third or fourth girlfriend,” while her sons hadn’t had a single one.
She admitted that the realization hit hard, saying, “Black boys deserve to feel crushed on.” The remark sparked a wave of agreement online, with many parents of color sharing similar experiences — particularly those raising children in predominantly White schools or communities.
Michelle Obama’s Honest Response
Michelle Obama immediately agreed, saying she’s seen the same thing happen far too often.
“A lot of young Black people get to college and they’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend — and that’s not healthy,” Michelle explained.
She and Mara both emphasized that early relationships, when approached thoughtfully, can play an important role in helping young people learn how to communicate, connect, and develop emotional confidence.
“Those early experiences of being liked, of being seen, of feeling valued — that’s part of growing up,” Michelle noted.
A Deeper Issue in Predominantly White Spaces
Both women pointed out that this issue is especially pronounced for Black kids growing up in majority-White areas. In those environments, social dynamics can leave young Black teens feeling excluded or unseen — not because of who they are, but because of the lack of cultural familiarity or shared experience.
Mara and Michelle agreed that these feelings can carry long-term effects, influencing how young people navigate dating, relationships, and even self-esteem later in life.
“It’s not just about popularity,” Mara said. “It’s about feeling like you belong, that someone sees you and finds you special.”
A Message That Resonates
The exchange struck a chord across social media, with many parents and educators praising the women for putting words to an issue that often goes unspoken.
“It’s beautiful to see two successful Black women talking about the emotional side of parenting,” one commenter wrote. “This is the kind of conversation our community needs.”
Michelle Obama and Mara Brock Akil reminded everyone that raising confident, emotionally healthy children isn’t just about academics or achievement — it’s about helping them feel valued, desired, and connected in a world that doesn’t always see them clearly.