We’ll begin with David Jelinsky — who marked his “Survivor” debut by referring to himself by his last name only and in the third person, clearly hoping to mimic “Survivor” greats like Jonathan Penner, Brad Culpepper, and John Cochran (all of whom host Jeff Probst called by their last names). Unfortunately for Jelinsky’s hopes and dreams, the guy was definitely never meant to be a “Survivor” great. During his single episode on the show, he made it clear that he didn’t have any strategy to speak of, that he wasn’t good at challenges, and struggled with basic knowledge(he thought the word “several” always means “seven,” for starters). Jelinsky was voted out unanimously by the Yanu tribe at their very first Tribal Council, proving that he’s no “Survivor” legend … but he is one of the dumbest people to ever play the game.
Then there’s Bhanu Gopal, whose mission statement was that he wanted to win a “million hearts,” not a million dollars. (That is, in fact, not how the game of “Survivor” works.) Like Jelinsky before him, Gopal let the Yanu tribe down time and time again … and in between those failures, he was mugging for the camera during confessionals, referring to himself in the third person as well and proving that he also went into “Survivor” without any strategy whatsoever. By the time his castmates knew it was time to get rid of Gopal, his last strategy was … begging them not to vote him out on his hands and knees, which isn’t exactly a foolproof “Survivor” tactic. So why were both players so bad? They were performing, not actually playing.